It is difficult to admit struggle, but I honestly feel like David in some of his Psalms when he is asking where GOD is.

I love to laugh, but even that feels stripped away. My laughter is forced, my heart aches, and I want to sing, but I am unsure what song there is left on my heart.

As I sit here at my desk, I look up and see all these verse that I have tacked up over the years to make sure I remember that GOD is with me and He has promised to help in the darkness, but my heart is so heavy.

I feel as though I have failed everyone and even worse, I failed GOD.

However, the verses and ideas that keep springing up (because my Bible has not been opened much) in my listening to Psalms at night and the randomness of my life…

For who is God besides Jehovah? Or, who is a Rock except our God?  (Psalms 18:31 MKJV)

What was I thinking? I can’t do the work GOD asked me to do on my own. No.

Also, I cannot stand on my own. I cannot be my own person. I cannot expect myself to be okay without my FATHER. No, I need Him.

I have no strength. I am a wimp without GOD. Without GOD, I have nothing.

At this point, I need to insert words like silly goose and realize how childish I was being.

I need His Word to settle me. I need His truth to guide me. I need His peace to help me through the day. I need His grace in my every moment.

Only with GOD, are we able to survive this world in a way that brings Him glory.

It is God who girds me with strength and makes my way perfect.  (Psalms 18:32 MKJV)

We need Him in so many ways. I tend to turn my audio Bible on at night and it is always turned to the book of Psalms. It usually calms me. The other night I awoke and a verse declared that GOD delighted in me…

I sobbed, because I know He does, but that night, all I could see was my flaws and failures, and I went to bed hating myself and convinced that I had no purpose. I fell asleep crying and both dogs, tired of my tears, ignored me.

But, somehow at this verse, I awakened and my heart both soared and ached. I, of course, sobbed some more.

For Adonai takes pleasure in His people. He crowns the humble with salvation.  (Psalms 149:4 TLV)

The LORD takes pleasure in his people; he honors the humble with victory.  (Psalms 149:4 GNB)

My Heavenly Father takes pleasure in me. Also, He wants me to succeed in doing His will. So, I have to (as corny as it sounds) give it over to Him. He is the one who knows what needs done anyway. He laughs at my plans anyway.

Random Question: Why do I even bother with my to-do lists?

GOD already knows what I need to do and His purpose for me far outweigh my plans. So, my goal is to return to being the Salt and Light. And stop feeling sorry for myself and stop crying all the time.

My Heavenly Father sent His Son to forgive my sins so I can have everlasting life…

Why?

Because He delights in me and He loves me and He has a purpose for me.

My GOD has a purpose for me.

He has one for you, as well.

Dear Heavenly Father,
We need You.
Please remind us of
Your grace and patience and Love
And desire for us to be like You and to follow Your will.
We need you to remind us that You delight in us.
Sometimes that is so hard to believe.
Help our unbelief.
Redeem our faith.
Remind us that You are not far off,
That You are HERE with us.
GOD, help us to know You,
Hear You, find You,
and most of all, SEEK YOU!
Adonai, You have promised that
If we seek You, we will find You.
Give us hearts to know Your will and obey You.
We pray this in the Holy name of Jesus Messiah,
Amen.
Shalom.