momma said

Amazing how often we as teenagers argue with our parents and insist they are wrong. As teens, we are rebellious and convinced of invincibility and our own arrogance blinds us to the truth. Then, our thirties come and we wish we had listened and missed out on all the pain and suffering.

I know my parents wanted to pull their hair out with me. I can only imagine God wanting to yell as well. We often think we are wise in life, when really we are rebellious teenagers going our own way.

I will be the first to admit that I am a perfectionist control-freak, people pleaser. I am a planner, a list maker, a think things through, and I am very capable of imagining worst-case scenarios.

So, while I am sitting here, trying to figure out my life, my mother’s admonitions to pray, wait, listen, don’t jump… Those advice tidbits always come back to me and I feel more paralyzed than before.

Why?

Because I never thought I would live this long. I thought my battle would be over long ago. I was kind of hoping the rapture would take me early.

I think back on Esther, who was made for such a time as she was in and it is clear that I was made for such a time as this. I have limited skills. I have limited social graces.

My skills include:

• Talking like a pirate
• Making puppet scripts
• Writing
• Saying the wrong thing
• Crocheting (but only know maybe 2-3 stitches, so nothing complex)
• Reading a manual and applying the information
• Finding obscure information and breaking it down for others
• Making stupid jokes
• Breaking into song if I think it will make someone smile/laugh
• Finding the perfect thrift store sale
• Sewing buttons on old shirts
• Mending old clothes
• Making jewelry
• Breaking down information for others
• Seeing purpose in everyone

God made me like this. He also made me incredibly sensitive and prone to crying over everything. And I am a master worrier.

I look at the world and I wonder what will happen next. I look at my family and I worry for their safety, happiness, and whether or not their souls will survive.

When I said, my foot slippeth; thy mercy, O LORD, held me up. In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul.

Psalm 94: 18-19

I know God is in control. He has saved me countless times. I have absolute faith in His plan. I just don’t know my role.

Yet.

It is God who girds me with strength and makes my way perfect.

Psalms 18:32

I can reflect on the Bible and never come to full comprehension of it. I will wait on my God, who has not given up on me. I am His. Always and Forever.

Prayer