I stayed up until about 1 am the other night. Why? Well, I got the cleaning/organizing bug and decided it was high time to clean out all the old paperwork in my filing cabinet. I removed all the trash and sorted old bills and taxes and medical files and legal yada yada yada all into different piles. Then, I found old awards and memorabilia that made me stop and wonder who all those comments were talking about.
Not me? Surely not me. I am not brave, strong, passionate. . . Nor do I exude joy and love.
Yet. . .
My BFF once described me as “anti-depressed.” I was so tickled by that. Not because I was really so happy, but because I was trying so hard to hide my struggles and, somehow, I was succeeding.
I hid my struggles with depression and PTSD and anxiety so well that I giggled and laughed and spread my wings. I believed I could do anything.
But, when my truth came out. . .
I was “less than.” I was told I couldn’t do all those things I dreamed of doing. Instead, I was a burden. I was not worth saving.
Doctors, employers, ministry leaders, so many people told me that I needed to take a step back.
I stopped seeing myself as a beloved child of GOD and instead saw myself as a “useless eater.”
You know what though. . .
GOD never stopped seeing me as someone with purpose.
GOD never stopped loving me.
GOD never said, “What a waste of time her creation was.”
No. GOD said, “I love you. You are MINE.”
O Jehovah, You have searched me and have known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
You search my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Jehovah, You know it altogether.
Psalm 139: 1-4 (MKJV)
GOD knows all of me and He loves me and sent His Son to die for me. GOD never gives up. He has patience beyond that of Winston Churchill. You know the “NEVER EVER…. GIVE UP” quote – that was Churchill.
GOD loves and perceives us (ALL) as worth saving. We just have to allow Him to save us. The world can’t save us. It is fallible and changes with the wind. GOD NEVER CHANGES and if we give Him our hearts, minds, bodies, souls. . .
“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.”
Romans 8:1 (MKJV)
GOD chose me (you) to be in His family. He did not send His Son to save us for no reason.
No.
He longs for our redemption and for us to know Him.
“I took hold of you from the ends of the earth, and called from its uttermost parts, and said to you, ‘You are My servant—I have chosen you, not rejected you.”
Isaiah 41:9 (MKJV)
GOD wanted me (you) when we felt full of life
AND
He wanted me (you) when we were at our lowest.
He did not abandon us to figure it out.
No.
HE NEVER STOPPED PURSUING US!!
HE did NOT change His mind about me (you) because we became less in the world’s eyes. He loves us in our deepest valleys of depression and our highest moments of joy. He is right there.
It is us. Us feeble and fallible people.
We are the ones who change.
GOD NEVER CHANGES!
Holy Father,
We are so grateful that You are constant.
You do not stop loving us. You see us in our darkest moments, in our triumphs. You LOVE us. You are jealous for us.
GOD,
We praise You and love You.
Help us to remain faithful to You.
Guide us ever closer into Your truth.
Give us the strength to remain constant. Give us a heart for others and for Your will.
Help us know the purpose You have called us into.
In the Holy Name of Your Son, who came to earth, became Man, and died to cover our sins, we pray these things.
Amen.
Shalom
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